Monday, August 15, 2005

Who's the REAL Caine???

Before you proceed, I want to let you know that some of you or MOST of you will not or may not even want to be my friend after I've post this entry.... But I feel I have to post..
I feel I need to let everyone know....
So if you ever do feel that way,
I just want to say

It's been great having you as a friend...
I appreciate the friendship we have....

Here goes nothing....






Pride
Temper
no self control
does not appreciate
useless
sinful
dirty
unclean
bad

These are just some of the points which I would describe myself.
I never liked myself and whatever attitude I had come to possess.

I guess my worst is my pride. I know we all have prides... I have mine..

For the past few years, I care what people thinks about me. The more they backstab me behind my back, the more I will think of ways to get even back. If I can't I'll just hate the person.
I never realised that until recently, I just feel so convicted. I know now what I did was wrong
It's something I am never happy of.

I guess the first step into changing is to admit your mistake huh?
to be frank, I never admit my mistakes... I never want to...it's just too hard..
I never had the courage to admit to everyone what I've done...

well, now i'm writing it on my blog, not only for those who know me.. but to PUBLIC...

I now admit.. I guess you people can best describe me as cheap, useless, selfish, prideful, hot tempered idiotic fool. Well , if you think that way. I applaud you, for I know myself and yes I am what I said...

Lately I've have really been in a dilemma... I also feel so convicted. I feel like I have not walking the straight path... I've always treat worldly things as more important than what is in store for me in heaven.

I want you all to know, for the past years that you've known me, I've put on the mask to cover up my true nature.

Now I want to remove that mask.
I want everyone to know that I am not a good person.

You know when people keep telling you..

" caine, he's great guy"
"good friend"

Well, I'm not great.. i'm not good..
I am still your friend.
But I want you all to know me for who I REALLY AM
not the person who is wearing the mask..

I admit, I've never treated suzanne good enough
I admit, I did hit her before
I admit, I shouted at her before
I admit, I abused her before
I admit, I never obey God's commandment

Father God,

If it's Your will father, Let it go on or Let it go...
Please reveal to me what You want best for me..
Father, please forgive me for what I've done to her...
I pray and ask all these In Jesus Mighty Name,
Amen.

I know she is a good girl and she deserves better

Everyone thinks we're happy.. but in reality
I feel that I have been letting everyone down
letting her down
letting God down...
I've done things I am ashamed of
I've done things that could make the lousiest people saints

I want to change...

So here I am writing...
admitting...
revealing...

My true nature...


I am a sinner in need of Savior
I am a Christian whom backslide for many years
I have always been lukewarm....
I am also slowly turning cold....
but I want to be Hot!
I want to be on FIRE
I want to be FILLED with God's Fire..

No more CURSES
No more Foul Languages
No more obscenities
No more...

But More of Jesus...





2 Comments:

Blogger .:dewgem:. said...

Hello caine,

i'm very encouraged by your courageous move to blog it all out. Not everyone has that courage to do so.

"God will never leave you nor forsake you..."

Continue to put hope in God and trust in Him. Remeber that He has NEVER abadoned you even when you've walked away from Him.

I've been through some rough times too and God is indeed gracious. Praying that I'll continue to burn the fire for Him.

So, in all things that you do, whatever obstacles you've encountered, don't be discouraged. Take it as Life's lessons for your growth in the Lord.

I've been praying for you and I'm truly joyful that God has answered my prayers. Be couragoeus for God and I believe everyone who reads this will be encouraged too. And even if anyone despises you, do not be let down because God is with you. Use every opportunity to share Christ's love even when they "spit" at your face.

Be encouraged!

9:39 PM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

I'm able to forgive and forget, why not you? From the day I choosed to be with you, I've never regreted about it. I've forgotten about what happened last time. Every human would made mistakes through their life. Why not give yourself and I another chance? I don't deserve any other better guys outside there because in my eyes, you're always the best and will always be.

9:54 PM  

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