Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Ah Beng has spoken!

Ah Beng jokes...

Be advice, you have to be above 18 to go beyond this point....... ah what the hey, you won't bother right???? Just read on la....
















1. Ah Beng, Mohammad and Muthu were at sea
when they were hijacked by a group of pirates.

The pirates cornered the 3 men and said
"Give us all your valuables!"
The chief pirate then raised a syringe and added,
"Or else we'll inject you with the AIDS virus!"

Mohammad quickly stripped off all his valuables
and handed them to the pirates. Satisfied, they
threw him into the sea.

Muthu was equally quick to comply with the
pirates' wishes. Similarly, he removed his
valuables and surrendered them to the pirates.
Like Mohammad, he was thrown into the sea.

Finally it came to Ah Beng's turn. He stared at
the pirates and sneered.
"You all kee see lah! (go and die!)
Inject, inject lah, you'll never get my
lolex and my JPG warret!"

The pirates, showing no mercy, injected Ah Beng
with the HIV virus, and robbed him of his precious
watch and wallet. They then threw him into the sea
with the rest.

In the water, both Mohammad and Muthu
commended Ah Beng for his bravery. However,
they were pretty perplexed by why he was unafraid
of the virus.Grinning, Ah Beng answered,
"AIDS I not scared,what... I got condom!!!"

---------------------------------

2. Ah Beng went hiking and saw a cave and went
in.Inside the cave he picked up a lamp.

He laughed and said,
"Ho say leow, kio tiok kim!" ( so luckily,gold! )
and began rubbing the lamp.

And 'poot!' Out came a genie from the lamp. The
genie then granted Ah Beng 3 wishes.

Without thinking carefully, Ah Beng said
"si mi lan cheow also want."
So the genie stuck all sorts of penises all over Ah
Beng's body.

Shocked and disgusted, Ah Beng then said,
"This time si mi lan cheow also do'wan."

So the genie quickly granted Ah Beng's 2nd wish.
And with a 'poot!' all the penises disappeared
from Ah Beng's body, including his own.

Even more shocked this time, Ah Beng said,
"I want my own last time lan cheow back."

And with a final 'poot!', Ah Beng got exactly what
he wished for: the penis he had when he was a
baby.

----------------------------------------------------------------

3. A long time ago, Ah Beng found himself as a
sailor on board an ang-mor explorer's ship.

One day, in the crow's nest, he spotted an
uncharted island. He quickly scurried down, and
knocked on the captain's door.

"Eh, Captain!" he said eagerly.
"There got new island, leh! What should we call it?"

However, the Captain was at the time making love
to a woman passenger, who was in the throes of
passion.

Ah Beng heard the woman wail to the Captain,
"Put it in, dear! In, dear! In, dear!"

And thus, India got its name.

Ah Beng later found himself serving on-board
Christopher Columbus' ships.

One day, the crew spotted a new continent. Ah
Beng was below decks, when Columbus
summoned the crew on deck.

As Columbus asked,
"What shall we name this new world?",
Ah Beng scrambled up and said in
Cantonese, "Hai meh leh ka?" ("What's tis?")

And thus, America got its name.

-----------------------------------------

4. An American, A Briton and a Singaporean were
allies in a war and, unfortunately, were cornered
by the enemy. The only way to the safe zone was
by dashing through 100m of no-man's-land, where
the trio risked being gunned down by enemy
snipers.

The Briton decided to give it a try first, and
started dashing with all his might towards the
100m end mark. Upon reaching 90m, he was shot.
As he fell, he shouted,
"God save the Queen!" and fell dead.

The American decided to go next and blazed
towards the safe zone.
80m...85m...90m...95m...BANG!
He was shot as well. As he fell, he shouted,
"For Liberty!" and fell dead.

The Singaporean was next and he ran faster than
he ever did in his whole life. 80m... 85m... 90m...
95m... 96m... 97m.. 98m... 99m.... BANG!
He was shot too, and as he fell, he shouted,
" 1. Ah Beng, Mohammad and Muthu were at sea
when they were hijacked by a group of pirates.

The pirates cornered the 3 men and said
"Give us all your valuables!"
The chief pirate then raised a syringe and added,
"Or else we'll inject you with the AIDS virus!"

Mohammad quickly stripped off all his valuables
and handed them to the pirates. Satisfied, they
threw him into the sea.

Muthu was equally quick to comply with the
pirates' wishes. Similarly, he removed his
valuables and surrendered them to the pirates.
Like Mohammad, he was thrown into the sea.

Finally it came to Ah Beng's turn. He stared at
the pirates and sneered.
"You all kee see lah! (go and die!)
Inject, inject lah, you'll never get my
lolex and my JPG warret!"

The pirates, showing no mercy, injected Ah Beng
with the HIV virus, and robbed him of his precious
watch and wallet. They then threw him into the sea
with the rest.

In the water, both Mohammad and Muthu
commended Ah Beng for his bravery. However,
they were pretty perplexed by why he was unafraid
of the virus.Grinning, Ah Beng answered,
"AIDS I not scared,what... I got condom!!!"


4. An American, A Briton and a Singaporean were
allies in a war and, unfortunately, were cornered
by the enemy. The only way to the safe zone was
by dashing through 100m of no-man's-land, where
the trio risked being gunned down by enemy
snipers.

The Briton decided to give it a try first, and
started dashing with all his might towards the
100m end mark. Upon reaching 90m, he was shot.
As he fell, he shouted,
"God save the Queen!" and fell dead.

The American decided to go next and blazed
towards the safe zone.
80m...85m...90m...95m...BANG!
He was shot as well. As he fell, he shouted,
"For Liberty!" and fell dead.

The Singaporean was next and he ran faster than
he ever did in his whole life. 80m... 85m... 90m...
95m... 96m... 97m.. 98m... 99m.... BANG!
He was shot too, and as he fell, he shouted,
" [Censored] [Censored] [Censored] "

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